Hate-Watching: Real Housewives

General logo for the program (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hate-watching is when you watch a t.v. show even though you don't actually like it. You watch it for the 'enjoyment' of bitching about it with your friends on social media. The X Factor is a show people hate-watch...I used to hate-watch The X Factor but I can't even get any 'enjoyment' out of making fun of it anymore.
But there's another show that I can't stop hate-watching...The Real Housewives of...all of them. The extreme 'wealth' (though half of them seem to be bankrupt at some point) and consumption disgusts me. I can't relate to them in any way. It's like watching a nature program except it's about 'The Real Housewives' instead of 'Meerkat Manor' or 'Lions of the Serengeti'. These women spend more on lunch than what my rent is a month. They are selfish, conceited, rude, greedy, self centered, self abosorbed, lying, cheating, backstabbing bullies...with way too much plastic surgery. But I can't stop watching their antics.
I know most of the scenes are set up so there's some kind of heated confrontation or fight...all the better for the ratings. These women have no loyalty to each other, even their 'friends' or 'family' of years or decades. They change sides more then they change their underwear. They seem to have a new BFF every other episode. And if some of these women hate each other so much why would they go on vacation with each other!?!? I wouldn't even go to lunch with any of them, except maybe Kyle from Beverly Hills or Nene from Atlanta.
Even so, as long as they keep finding new cities to have 'Real Houswives' I will watch this show.

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K is for Kids in the Hall...

The Kids in the Hall are a Canadian sketch comedy group that formed in 1984. The television show ran from 1988 to 1994. The show, like all of their comedy, is surreal, mad, weird, disturbing, dark, twisted, silly, fun and a little bit gay.
One of their most loved recurring characters is the 'head crusher' guy...

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ANTM CYCLE 18: BRITISH INVASION...EPISODE 2: THE MAKEOVERS!

My favorite episode of every ANTM season is the makeover episode...I know it's wrong but it's fun watching pretty girls cry cuz someone cut their hair...'MY HAIR IS MY WHOLE BEING...IT'S WHO I AM...I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MODEL ANYMORE...BOO HOO!'
As usual there's a lame bit about how Tyra's phone was hacked and what the makeovers are going to be have been leaked...apparently, she's taking inspiration from the European catwalks, all funky shapes and colors! Oh, there will be crying!
Of course, the Native American girl, Mariah, says if her hair is cut she'll lose her culture...dum dum dummmm...she just ends up with bangs or a fringe as they're called in the U.K. But two other American girls, Eboni and Kyle have bangs too! Uh Oh!
So, Louise the Brit throws a fit about them cutting and dying her hair and as usual after it's done she's like 'I'm the most powerful one here!' Whatever.
Sophie the Brit has pink candy floss hair. Cute. And Catherine has bright red hair. Stunning.
AzMarie already had an almost shaved head and they shaved ANTM into it all hip hop stylee...lame. As she was the first ones done, she 'helped' aka flirted with the other girls by shampooing their hair.
Don't really remember anyone else...oops.

Haggis

They're are now back at the house and have a mini competition where the Americans have to eat British found including haggis and cockles and the Brits have to eat American food like pigs feet and chittering...ewwww. But it's not like either of them actually eat that shit at home except for the Marmite and peanut butter. Ashley's Scottish and she doesn't even eat haggis.
Seymone and Candace start to fight in the kitchen...not good to fight with your own teammates girls!
Time for the photo shoot and yet again it's fucking Kris Jenner aka Kardashian! And all the girls are losing there shit just like last season...I really don't understand it. Even the Brits and we don't even really get any of their shows over here.
The theme of the shoot is that the models are Kris's 'toddlers' and of course her two youngest daughters, Kendell and Kylie are also in the pics.
Sophie and Ashley are doing a breakdown of each photo through out the shoot, which is hilarious. Of course Ashley is subtitled...but fair enough, she is Scottish.
I really hope they don't do what they did last week in elimination and make the girls have Union Jack and American flag lips...tacky! Okay, no tacky lips but they are still wearing flag t-shirts...in case we all forget who's on what team. Dumb. The funny thing is, Tyra has to watch herself and can't really do her bad 'english' accent when she talks. Ha!

Catherine, Laura and Sophie

First up...AzMaire and Ashley. Ashley gets really good comments, I reckon she's safe. AzMarie doesn't get very good ones and everyone's shocked because they think she's gonna go far!
Next up is Kyle and Mariah. Kris, who is also one of the judges this week, really liked what she did...but Kelly and Tyra don't they think she's too sexy. Kyle is just kinda boring...just a model and no toddler. Doesn't look good girls.
A trio is up next Catherine, Laura and Sophie...It's Nigel's favorite of the shoot. They all get good comments and some advice too. I think they're all safe.
Next is the 'chocolate babies' according to Tyra...Candace and Eboni. They both get good comments. Especially Eboni, who got burnt by a curling iron during the makeovers...as Tyra said 'you can burn me but you can't break me.'
Now it's time for Seymone, who got best photo last time, and Analiese. Doh! They both get really bad comments.
Last but not least, Louise and Alisha. Tyra says Louise looks like Linda Evangelista but she is too sexy in the photo. Alisha is not portraying what she is thinking.

Mariah

But who get best photo and who's going home?

Laura, with the 'red, white and blue' hair, who posed like a broken doll, gets best photo!

And who is going home? Well, it's not one of the Brits! Whoo-hoo! The bottom two are Seymone and Mariah...and it's Mariah heading back to her tribe. But she still plans on being the first Natie American Super Model.

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ANTM...BRITS VS. AMERICANS!

As an American in the U.K. and having watched both America's Next Top Model and Britain's Next Top Model, I may just be the perfect person the write about the newest 'cycle' of ANTM...the British Invasion!
There are seven Americans and seven British girls competing against each other this season...but there's a twist! The British models have all been on Britain's Next Top Model in the past. They have an edge over the Americans! Even though I'm American I find this to be really funny and I'm rooting for the British girls...especially one of my faves, Scottish Ashley.
The American girls are being typically American, all 'USA! USA! USA!'...annoying.
So, first photo shoot...the theme is 'iconic people' from each country:
George Washington vs. Queen Elizabeth I (makes sense)
Janet Jackson vs. Mel B (kinda makes sense)
Madonna vs. Elton John...what the?
Michelle Obama vs. Margaret Thatcher (kinda makes sense)
Andy Warhol vs. Amy Winehouse...what the? part 2...artist vs. singer?!?
Pocahontas vs. John Lennon...huh? Why not Bob Dylan?
Jackie O vs. Princess Diana (makes sense)

Time for elimination...Tyra makes an announcement saying that even though she's American, she's not going to be biased. And then she reads out the prizes...um, a single produced and released by I don't really care? Isn't this a 'modeling' competition!?!
Also, there's a new judge! Kelly Cutrone, famous fashion PR...she does not mince words and I know she's gonna be amazing! Oh yeah, Kelly Osbourne is the guest judge...I guess because she's British but has mostly lived in the U.S.
First up Eboni as Jackie O and Ashley as Princess Di...neither of them got very good critiques...doh.
Next is Laura as Madonna and Elisha as Elton...Laura got slightly better feedback than Elisha. But Kelly C. told her to not be so negative.
Up next...Catherine as Queenie and AzMarie as George Washington...Catherine got great feedback, AzMarie got alright comments but Tyra wants more 'Umph!'
Now it's...Mariah as Pocahontas and Jasmia as John Lennon...They both got bad feedback...one of which was 'I don't see how these two people fit together'...which is not their fault.
Next!...Kyle as Andy Warhol and Louise as Amy Winehouse...Kyle got really good comments, Louise not so good...boring from all angles.
Who's next?...Candace as Janet, Miss Jackson if you're nasty, and Annaliese as Mel B aka Scary Spice...which ironic cuz they say her face is too angry...and then they say that Candace is not angry enough for Janet! Confused!?!
Last but not least...Seymone as the First Lady and Sophie as the Iron Lady...they both get the best comments. Tyra says Sophie is 'Judge Judy combined with Margaret Thatcher'.
Best Picture is: Seymone!
But who gets eliminated!?!? Bottom two are Brits...Jasmia and Ashley.
And Jasmia is back on the plane to the U.K. Her John Lennon was super weak.
Yeah! Ashley gets to stay another week! Whew...

Next week...MAKEOVERS!

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Murder, She Wrote episode 5...It's a Dog's Life

Image by Getty Images via @daylife'A fox hunter dies when his normally placid horse goes wild, and suspicion falls on the heir to his estate: his dog' Murder, She Wrote Definitive Guide

During the opening title sequence someone is seen giving a grey horse a pill of some sort.

Jessica is visiting her cousin Abigail Benton Freestone, played by Lynn Redgrave, and ends up at a fox hunt. She is surrounded by a rich spoiled family, the Langleys. They are bitching and sniping with each other. Abigail is the horse trainer for the Langleys.

During the fox hunt, the head of the family, Denton Langley's horse is spooked and Denton dies in a fall.

Jessica's cousin Abigail is distraught...she 'admired him greatly'...she's also pissed off with his 'selfish family' who 'only wanted his money.'

Time for the reading of the will! The lawyer is Marcus Boswell, Dean Jones from the Herbie films! The is on a VHS tape...'the latest in will technology!' and 'it's legal as hell!' Denton basically disses all of his family members...the art work goes to the 'national gallery' and the rest of it $15 million dollars goes to his faithful dog Teddy! And if Teddy dies of anything besides natural causes then the money goes to the RSPCA.

So of course, someone is trying to make Teddy look mentally unstable so the money is taken away from him. He bites this guy Isaiah Potts...'a notorious liar'.

Abigail and Jessica go to see Boswell, Morganna Cramer ne Langley, is there disputing the will. Saying that Teddy is of 'unsound mind'. Boswell keeps getting calls from his broker...he wants his money! He bought some stock recommended by Spencer Langley, who in debt up to his elbows.

Teddy is hanging out with the security guard, Barnes, when Trish Langley, drunkenly, pulls up in her car to the front gate. The guard runs down there to help her just in time to see her crushed by the gate...ewwwww.

There's a paw print on the gate button in the security room! Teddy killed Trish!

Jessica goes down the crime scene and 'helps' the deputy...by breaking the chain of custody by touching Trish's fur coat.

Boswell comes into the kitchen whilst Jessica and Abigail are having tea...he has a mysterious oil stain on his suit.

They then figure out how Teddy could have been trained to push the button.

OMG...a really long complicated explanation of how Trish was murdered...I can't even go into it.

They tell everyone it was with a whistle...the sheriff has happened to find a whistle with Abigail's initials...so she and the dog are jailed for murder!

A lot more crazy stuff happens but it's all too ridiculous that I can't even get into it.

So, we're at the inquest now and of course Jessica is the expert witness and explains the thing...
The murderer is...MARCUS BOSWELL! The incriminating piece of evidence...a bike clip!

Murder, She Wrote episode 4...Hooray for Homicide

                         Image via Wikipedia'Jessica becomes a murder suspect when she threatens a film producer who has plans to glamorize one of her novels' Murder, She Wrote Definitive Episode Guide

A Hollwood producer Jerry Lydecker, played by genre actor John Saxon most famous for the 'Nightmare on Elm Street' films, buys one of Jessica's book and tranforms it into an entirely different movie. So she flies out to L.A. to confront him.

Basically, he bought it for the title. Jessica is not happy with the way the story has been changed in the film. Her name and reputation are stake...Jessica tells him she going to 'do whatever it takes to stop this picture from being made.' right in front of his secretary...that's going to come back and bight her in the butt.
Jessica finds the body of Jerry Lydecker on the graveyard set and of course is now a suspect in his murder.
John Astin aka Gomez Addams is the director of the movie, Ross Hayley. He tells Lt. Hernandez that pretty much everyone wanted Lydecker dead.
Lt. Hernandez 'volunteers' Jessica to go tell the 'leading lady', Eve Crystal (Melissa Sue Anderson...aka Mary Ingalls in 'The Little House on the Prairie') that Lydecker has been murdered...she finds her at his beach house, drunk.
The film company decide to they want to continue with making the movie. Ross Hayley is now the producer and director of 'The Corpse Dances at Midnight'.
Lt. Hernandez dramatically arrests Jessica on the set of the movie...but he knows that she'll find the real killer. But she's been barred from the lot as a 'disruptive influence'..so how is she going to solve the murder!
Somehow, she gets to watch some of the rushes and sees something that peaks her interest. Crystal Eve and her co-star Scott Bennett are an 'item'.

Image via Wikipedia

Jessica goes to the Wardrobe Department and talks to the head Wardrobe Mistress, Elinor, played by screen legend Virginia Mayo!
She goes to check Crystal Eve's dressing room when Hayley runs out and knocks her over. Lt. Hernandez arrests him for Lydecker's murder and when he pats him down he finds the button that Jessica was looking for earlier.
Jessica throws a party as she's about to head back to Cabot Cove...but the party is a classic mystery move...she's going to confront the real murderer!
She does a toast to Ross Hayley 'Wrongfully accused of murder.' and then everybody suddenly leaves accept for Crystal.
Ross did take the button from the murder scene but only to protect Crystal...she's the one who murdered Lydecker because he was going to fire her lover Scott Bennett.
Jessica figured it out because 'real drinkers' don't mix whiskey and diet cola...Crystal is a diabetic and can't drink...she was faking it.

Murder, She Wrote episode 2...Deadly Lady

Sheriff Amos Tupper

"A multimillionaire is swept off his yacht during a hurricane near Cabot Cove, but his four daughters aren’t exactly drowning in sorrow." from the Murder, She Wrote Definitive Episode Guide

This is the episode we are introduced to Sheriff Amos Tupper (Tom Bosley aka Mr. Cunnigham from Happy Days) of Cabot Cove.
Jessica helps out a 'hobo' Ralph by cooking him breakfast for weeding her garden. But she soon figures out that he is not actually a hobo, just some retired businessman who wants to see America from another prespective.
Jessica gets called down to the docks...a wealthy millionaire, Stephen Earl, has been swept overboard and presumed dead by his four daughters...did one of them do it?
Jessica returns to her house to find Raplh still there. She gives him her deceased husband, Frank's pipe.
Jessica figures out that the yacht would've been in the eye of the storm and the sea would have been calm.
One of the dughter's freaks out and says that she shot him on deck. Sheriff Tupper arrests her there and then.
Jessica sees a picture of Stephen/Ralph in the local paper and rushes back to her house with her good friend Ethan...but he's gone! At the same time a body is found on the beach it's Stephen Earl/Ralph!
Jessica is well pissed off.
When they confront the daughter, Maggie Earl, that claimed to have shot Stephen/Ralph she breaks down and tells them that the two of them had actually planned his 'death' to prove that one of the daughter's boyfriends is a golddigger but now he is actually dead.
Jessica says that there's no way the body was in the water for three days.
Looks like half of Cabot Cove are searching the beach for clues...a pair of shoes are found with a broken heel. They are Nan Earl's shoes...did she kill her father!? They make her try them on and they fit.
They take her to the policde station so her goldigging boyfriend can make an idiot of himself with her hiding in the other room.
Jessica confronts the rest of the sisters about the shoes, saying sisters often borrow each others clothes and shoes.
The daughter who claimed to have planned their father's death breaks into Jessica's house...she killed him in the end! She confesses to everything and then threatens to kill Jessica...but of course Jessica had called Sheriff Tupper and he was listening to the whole conversation.
With the murder sovlved Jessica goes sea bass fishing eith Ethan.

Outfit of the Show: Jessica wore a fluffy white cardigan with black fish on it that looked nice and warm.

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